Strategies for Family Communication

INTRODUCTION TO COMMUNICATION

Introduction

A family is the important structure of any society and happy families can make a happy society. Every human being wants to live in a happy environment as a family is the place where people will find the achievement of their life time. Modern families often face multiple relationship issues which have begun contributed from the changed of lifestyle and poor relationships within the family members. Communication is the key to build a cheerful family. Talking with each other in the family and having frequently family gathering could help in keeping the relationship closer. Even between the couples, talking can release the tensions and promotes the affection closer. Never argue or shout at each other unnecessarily which can make the relationship worse. (ProKerala, 2014) Understanding the function of communication within the family will help us to avoid conflict and maintain good relationship. Certain conflicts could arise when family communication barriers are exists. Individual need of the family member’s cannot be reached all the time. This means that we have to make some compromises to fulfill the needs of others. Compromising does not mean that we have lost and the others in the family have won, but through this we can create a new solution to harmony. Be a good listener and acknowledging and respecting opinion of the other, could make a difference within the family members. Beth Lee, (2013)

Family Tree

Family communication

My family is an average family in its size. It’s is comprises with my parents, me, my wife and my two daughters. We can define ourselves as an extended family. Both my daughters are grown up now. During their childhood, they grow in the environment where their grandparents are there to teach them the way of life how it is supposed to be in the nature. They taught them the way of respecting elderly people in the family. My relationships with my daughters are just like a friend. They learn through the way how my relationship with my parents. My children’s always like to share things that happened in their school every day. This keeps our relationship even closer compare to any other family that I know off. When the parents are there to listen and understand their needs, the relationship with the children and parents will be greater.

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My parents passed away 18years ago and it is probably one of the hardest things that I have to tolerate. Keeping myself positive, I can always say that I will be forever thankful to him for giving me the happiest childhood’s days that not many of them can get. My farther is my superhero, my light, and my role model. In my family, I have improvised the family communication compare to my old time. It is no longer parents and children relationship. We try to be their friends and share their problems with us. This is best way to keep them together and prevent them from getting wrong advice from their friends which can lead them to a wrong direction.

Communication in the family is very important to determine how the relationship is going to be between the family members. Growing children requires more attention and proper guidance. We could manage the obstacles ahead by keeping calm and discuss with them on the problem and provide possible solution to solve them. Children nowadays would like make their own decision compare with like old days where parents decide for them. As a parent, we should be able to provide multiple solutions and help them on decision making which is good for them. We also should explain the consequences of making wrong decisions to them. The challenges that all parents may face is to make them convince on the suggestion that they give. The best way is to use live examples from similar cases which can relate to the situation. This only can be done when we can have proper communication link with them.

Most of our children are facing many challenges in their schools. It may come from their friends, teaches or from their studies itself. They might not understand the subject they study or it is very challenging to them. We as parents should always keep an eye on them and communicate with them whenever we see their body language is changes. Help them to find other resources to help them to understand the problem that they are facing. It is again comes back to the communication factor. If we are not able to communicate with the children well, than we could not find out the problems and the solutions as well.

A family communication process derived from the interactive relationship and interdependence among the family members. This is a hardest process and it has been practicing from the day one. In the family communication concept, there are several important things that we have to observe to establish a happy family. As quoted by Little John (1983), “there is no such thing as an ideal family in this world”. It is only a communication process in the family which determine the results of both happy and sad experience in their family. Communication happens when the family members are willing to interact and share their feeling with the family members. Normally a healthy family will attempt to maintain the closeness and handle any conflict in the family. Immaterial of being any form of a family, communication plays an important role in determining the quality of the life in this world.

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Ways to bridge generation gap among family members

Generation gap between the family members is the major problem that is hard to digest. It is very difficult to compare with those people growing up in 1960’s with the one in this latest generation. The cultures that the parents practiced during old days are no longer applicable and not practical for this generation. Our children’s clothes are too weird and their music is too loud and although they are speaking English, we simply can’t understand a word what they speak. We might be on the wrong side of a generation gap. Cross the distance by remembering how much the children wanted to be understood by their parents when they were grown up. Normally it no a requirement to like or even understand what’s happening surrounding but our children tastes it.

Communicating regularly with our children is one of the best ways to bridge the generation gap, as coated by the “American Psychological Association”. Listening and talking are essential elements to build good relationship between parents and children’s. As parents, we have to show our children that their interests are ours although the age gap between us too far. When a kid is growing into a teenager, the communication might become difficult for the parents to understand. To keep the discussion open, parents must pay close attention to our children’s habits. If our child tends to be quiet around the house during the week due to long days stress with school, homework and extracurricular activities, do not push the issue. We have to make a note to them when the children are more open and feeling relax, like in the car, at the dinner table or on weekends. Make a point to them that we are always available to talk and discuss with no subject is off limits. When our children’s do come to us, we should not quickly agree with what they are saying instead we have to listen more than speak. Get to understand first what they are pointing out to make analyse before give comments.

If we want to keep closer the gap between our children and us, we have to learn to speak their language that they speak. Keep up with the current trends that define our children’s generation from the slang they use, music, movies, the electronic tools and clothes to social networking and current events. It’s very important that we become adept in today’s technology, so we can monitor our children’s online presence and help them to make wise choices on the internet and beyond.

Although we might feel like our critical years was not passed long time ago, it’s important to accept that times has been changed. It is not appropriate to compare our old time with current generation. We should not pressure our children to follow the old models of thinking and being it. Stop saying things like “when I was your age,” “This is not the way how used to do it” or “I just don’t understand these kids today.” It’s not a battle. It is about our family. The past was not proven to be better. It was just different. We have to accept the things as the way it is and try to understand the changes rather than comparing the current days to our passed years.

Parents interested in bridging the generation gap required to be more opened and adjusted. The parents have to be flexible in their ideas and actions to keep up with their children’s immediate changes of current development. If we restrict ourselves “This is who I’m, and this is how I’m going to be” then the gap between the parents and children will only expand as they grows older. We have to keep in mind that parenting is not an exact science. What worked with one child might not work with another one. We must be willing to adjust our parenting style to suit our children’s needs. (Oubria Tronshaw, 2014)

Once parents understand what children are communicating through their behaviour, they can respond better. When the children feel respected and have their needs are met, reason for using challenging action to communicate is no longer required. Shouting or punishing a child for curtain behaviour may be able to restrict only for a particular moment, but it does not provide alternative ways for a child to act in difficult situations. When adults use punishment, which not allowed in current generation, they are sending wrong signal that anger is a good way to solve problems. When parents are able to help their children find an alternative way to communicate their needs, they will learn important of social and problem-solving skills that will help them throughout their life. (PBS Parents, 2013)

Family Anecdotes

Anecdote 1

During last December school break, the whole family of mine gone for a tour at Langkawi, Kedah. We had a nice tour during day time and late in the night we planned to go for a movie that just released on the cinema. Although we are tired, we just cannot reject my children’s request because that is the best way to understand our children and get them closer becoming their friend. In past days, the parents were totally reluctant to go for movies with their children fearing of coming across an embarrassing scene in front of the child, and now they are not just breaking that idea, but also going out to enjoy movies together. This explains that the recent movies, we go together with our family. “The secret life of Walter Mitty” it is about to see the world, things dangerous to come, to see behind walls, draw closer to find each other and to feel. The story is about a day-dreamer escapes his anonymous life by disappearing into a world of fantasies filled with bravery, romance and action. When his job along with that of his co-worker are threatened, he takes action in the real world start on a global journey that turns into an adventure more extraordinary than anything he could have ever imagined. Whatever they are shown through these movies is part of the society, and tomorrow when our kids will grow up and goes to work; they might have to face all that, so why should we not take this as an opportunity to explain things to them. After this movie we had a chat together and discussing about the moral of the story that the day dreaming is only an imagination and will not help in shaping their real life. Our children were enjoyed the moment and they appreciate that we are able share exchange opinion and moments are brought our relationship even closer. It was a turning point for our children that we can never forget.

Anecdote 2

There was a time during childhood; I together with my father and brothers’ used go for fishing at the lake nearby our house. A day before we have to prepare the bait needed for the fishing trip. We will dig out the worms from the soil to use as bait to catch the small fishes. The small fishes become bait for bigger fishes. My brothers will take me to the location by riding bicycles. Once we reach there, my brothers will explain the strategies for the fishing. Every one of us is thought of the sign language so we don’t make much noise which can scare the fishes off. We will than assigned at specific area and start our adventure. It is great joy when we together fish around the lake and catching a lot fishes to bring back home. The more fish we get, the more excitement we get to go forward. We will take a break to refresh ourselves and enjoy the food that we brought together. The feeling is like we are having a family camping at outdoor. It is very much different excitement compare to what we are doing now that is routine work and study. Once it gets darker, we will bring back the catches to home and my sisters will clean them up and my mum cooks them for dinner. Everyone in the family will enjoy our mums fish curry cooking and the remaining fishes will be kept for the following days. It is not all about the fishing day out, but the enjoyment in our communication between brothers, sisters and parents for the whole day that we can never forget. These moments cannot be erased from our memory and we still questioning ourselves why this day cannot be the same as old days.

Vision of ideal family

Every family have their own ups and downs and has its share of arguments and regrets. But this does not mean our family should be at very smooth way of life. It’s always a choice for how a family should be. In my opinion, an ideal family should able give self-respect one to others in the family. This is very important because every individual have their own interest and opinions. Miss understanding between husband and wife should be avoided at the first place. This is the main factor that most of the family have resulted to conflict and impact on their children’s. If this can be avoided, the next challenge is the growing children’s. I always would like be father who wanted to understand my wife and children’s problem and needs and fulfil their expectation as much I could within my capacity. The conflict always arises when the family members fail to communicate with each other and everyone has their own ego.

I would like create an environment where my family members would like to come back home early wherever they go. For example, although my daughters are growing and extended their studies in university, I wish them to comes back home whenever they have their semester break. I’m also intended if I could get the family together even my daughters are married. I wish to create an environment where the family members are always wanted to return home when they feels to do so. I’m already started the footsteps that can be seen by my children to participate in any family gatherings whenever possible with my parent in law’s which make them happy in their old age. I hope my children’s also can do the same in future when we are getting old and not left lonely anymore.

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References

Beth Lee/LIVESTRONG.COM. (2013). What Is Family Communication?. Retrieved Feb 14,2014, from http://www.livestrong.com/article/144390-what-is-family-communication/

Oubria Tronshaw/ GlobalPost. (2014). What Can Be Done to Bridge the Generation Gap Between Parents and Children?. Retrieved Feb 15,2014, from http://everydaylife. globalpost. com/can-done-bridge-generation-gap-between-parents-children-18716.html

ProKerala.com. (2014). Tips on making your family a happy family. Retrieved Feb 14, 2014, from http://www.prokerala.com/relationships/family/happy-family-tips.php

PBS Parents. (2013). Five Facts Every Family Should Know. Retrieved Feb 15,2014, from http://www.pbs.org/parents/inclusivecommunities/challenging_behavior2.html