Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence

What is your definition of love? Domestic violence is not considered love or affection. It is violence abuse. In your eyes what is domestic violence? Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation (thehotline,org). If you’re experiencing this you might have been hit, kicked, choked, and/or controlled. Physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and economical abuse are key warning signs. Abuse is a repetitive pattern of behaviors to maintain power and control over an intimate partner (thehotline.org).

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The following are behaviors that physically harm, arouse fear, prevent a partner from doing what they wish, or force them to behave in ways they do not want (thehotline.org). This also includes threats and intimidation. Warning signs you are in an abusive relationship include forbidding you from eating or sleeping, damaging your property when they’re angry by either throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc., and or using weapons to threaten to hurt you, or actually hurting you with weapons (thehotline.org). A woman of the name Jessica was stuck in an abusive relationship. She said, “I was a prisoner in my own home” (Axelord). Her boyfriend beats her, verbally abused her, and controlled her. He made sure she didn’t leave the house without him. He tapped her phone and made sure she knew not to eat, sleep, or shower without him being home to watch her every move. He installed cameras around the house to make sure Jessica wasn’t doing anything behind his back. If they trap you in your home or keep you from leaving, you’re in an abusive relationship. Jessica’s boyfriend claimed abusing her was his sign to show her he loved her and didn’t want to lose her (Axelord). Jessica said, “His excuse was he was afraid to lose me cause he loved me so much and that was his way of showing me that he loved me” (Axelord). This is what goes on in the minds of abusers. Jessica knew she was in a domestic relationship, but she had no way to get out until one day Jessica’s sister called the cops on her boyfriend and got a restraining order (Axelord).

Not everyone knows they are in a domestic violence, the victims are manipulated into thinking it is a sign of compassion and love. More red flags include abandoning you in unfamiliar places, driving recklessly or dangerously when you are in the car with them, and or forcing you to use drugs or alcohol are red flags (thehotline.org). Calling you names, insulting you or continually criticizing you, refusing to trust you and acting jealous or possessive, and or trying to isolate you from family or friends are the first warning signs (thehotline.org). Monitoring where you go, who you call and who you spend time with, demanding to know where you are every minute, threatening to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets is when you seek help (thehotline.org). The first people to notice what is going on are family, friends, and neighbors. Domestic violence happens to both men and women on a daily basis. Women 20-24 years old are at the greatest risk. 1 in 3 women are homicide victims and murdered by their partner each year (SafeHorizon.org). Four million women experience physical assault and rape by their partner each year (SafeHorizon.org).

517 children witness domestic violence each year. Three in four children see the violence happening to their mother or father. 21% of children hear the violence going on. 3.3-10 million children are exposed to domestic violence yearly (SafeHorizon.org). Many children are not safe from this violence. Most of the time, the abuser also goes after the child. More likely than not the child is emotionally scarred for life. According to race, 53% White people are abused, 20% African American people, 16% Latino, and 6% Other (SafeHorizon.org). According to income the following are abused, 28% under $20,000, 30% making $20,000-$50,000, 18% making $50,000-$75,000, and 24% making more than $75,000 (SafeHorizon.org). Some risk factors related to domestic violence include young pregnant women because they are more likely to be targeted compared to older women (apa.org). The younger the easier to be manipulated and used. Domestic violence takes place between 6pm and 6am (apa.org). 60% of incidents happen at home (apa.org).

30%-60% of families experiencing domestic violence include poverty, substance abuse, and other violence (SafeHorizon.org). Domestic is the third leading cause of homelessness among families (apa.org). 1/3 of abusers are using New York shelters (apa.org). This is what you can do to help yourself when the abuser is not around; call a local battered women’s shelter or domestic violence hotline and tell them what happened, ask them what your choices are to protect yourself, and what to do to end the violence (venetiservices.eu). Discuss the abuser’s pattern of violence with someone at a shelter or crisis line and think about what risks, there might be if you talk about leaving (venetiservices.eu). You should encourage your abuser to go to a group for batterers (venetiservices.eu.)

If you’re a friend or family member you can encourage the victim to get to safety and help keep that person safe. Confront the abuser if you can do it safely (SafeHorizon.org). Don’t accept excuses for violence from the people you love. If your loved one starts controlling your life and taking advantage of you, it is time to leave. Your significant other should always be there for you and care for you. If they ever lay a hand on you immediately call the police. On average it is said that it takes 7 tries to officially get out of an abusive relationship (Axelord.)

A significant other should never lay a hand on you if it is not for comfort or affection. If you are physically, mentally, or emotionally abused, it is not love. That does not show that your significant other cares for you. You need to stand up for yourself and get help.

Being in an unstable relationship may cause harm to you or your family. People have died, and people have been injured. Children are scared for the rest of their lives. Pay attention to the warning signs and seek help immediately if there are any red flags. The ones you love should respect you and care for you and your family.

Works Cited

“Abuse Defined.” The National Domestic Violence Hotline RSS2. Web. 28 Apr. 2015. <http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/>.

Axelord, Jim, “I was a prisoner in my own home.” 17 May 2013. CBS News.

Carter, Lucy, Weitnom, Louis, and Behman. “Domestic violence and children.” Volume 9 number 7 Winter 1999.

“Domestic Violence: Statistics & Facts.” Safe Horizon. Web. 28 Apr. 2015. <http://www.safehorizon.org/page/domestic-violence-statistics–facts-52.html>.

“Partner Violence: What Can You Do?” Http://www.apa.org. Web. 28 Apr. 2015. <http://www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/violence/partner.aspx>.

“Partner Violence: What Can You Do?” – Veneti CPT Services Ltd. Web. 28 Apr. 2015. <http://www.venetiservices.eu/nuepsilonalpha/partner-violence-what-can-you-do>.